Murray’s Hair Dressing Pomade

Below is a message that is being sent tomorrow to Murray’s Hair Dressing Pomade. The letter is an honest reflection of how I felt when I first starting using this product. I mean, the label is clearly marketing itself to African-Amercian’s, which I am not. When I first started using Murray’s my hair was much more “have sex with me, I’m a rock star” looking, thus I needed SOMETHING to maintain the hair. Even though I occasionally use “Vitalis hair-tonic” (and I’m not writing them…they don’t even have a website!) Murray’s is always my go-to hair product. I cannot wait for the response from them! Here’s the letter:

Altoids pt. 2

I can hardly express the anticipation for the letter I received in the mail today. 10 days (even though the letter is dated for the 15th of March) of mystery, bewilderment, anxiety, and excitement. Opening up the letter that was sent from the best breath mint company in the Universe was like winning the lottery!

My ultimate quest was to travel to Peoria, IL and visit the factory in which Altoids are made proxy cordial invitation from the Altoid people themselves. Obviously I wasn’t so lucky. *

The only thing that upsets me here, the first sentence of the second paragraph reads, “even in little things like a stick of gum of a little mint”. The obvious typo isn’t what is bringing me down, the mere fact they are hinting at an altoid/wrigley hybrid super mint gum is the ultimate tease for a mouth smelling like a sack of assholes.

Either way, here is the letter…I think a trip to Chattanooga, TN (always had terrible memories there, I used to work out there) is in order!

 

* They did however tell me the not so secret location of the Altoid factory.

MXPX

Digging through, looking for more letters I stumbled upon this little gem. Growing up in my teens, MxPx was one of my favorite bands. Not counting DC Talk and Audio Adrenalines ”Jesus Freak” tour (that was something else)…MxPx and Blink 182 was my first ever concert. I wrote the band about 3 or 4 times. They never sent back anything personal except for returning a converse all star tag with all of their signatures. This is all I got until I await my response from Altoids. Enjoy.

 

Altoids

 

I’ve been a huge fan of Altoids for quite some time now. Some of my earliest memories of using Altoids was when I was 14 working for the local Pharmacy in my town (I never paid for them). When I was 14, I was a weird kid. I wish I could say that this is the FIRST time I’ve actually written a hand letter to Altoids, but it isn’t. When I was 14, and I only have 2 pieces of evidence to prove what I’m about to share with the World Wide Web…but if I liked something, I wrote to the company that made it. Every other month I would receive  a letter in the mail with some coupons for free this or discounts on that. But I do remember getting a thank you letter from Collard and Bowser back in 2001 with a coupon for free Altoids. So today I’m digging through some of my old cardboard boxes to find some proof I actually did this type of shit…lo and behold.

Notice is dated for April 2001…these are the coupons they sent me. (The coupons expire on Halloween! Brilliant on their part)

I received two of those coupons. Now, Mars (not the planet) sent me these coupons because I wrote them in regards to how much I enjoyed the brand new Sour Skittles. I do remember stating in the letter how much they can hurt the roof of my mouth if I wasn’t careful, none the less (I wish I still had the letter) they did respond in gratitude and sent me coupons. However, my first ever letter was to Proctor and Gamble in regards to how much I enjoyed Pringles. PandG probably wouldn’t do this type of thing in this day and age, but they sent me a huge manila envelope full of Pizza Pringles (which also just came out at the time). So in my 14 year old brain, I’m thinking to myself, “The more I write, the more free awesome stuff I’m going to receive”…Unfortunately these MARS coupons are the only legitimate proof I have so far (I’m going to do some deeper digging as well). None the less, until this day I am an Altoid freak, thus I am re-entering my old ways of utilizing snail mail. I’m mailing this tomorrow on my birthday.